Letting Go and Holding On ('The Puppeteer 2' divergence)
by Miraculous-Content
Summary: Marinette already had a hard life, but her life-consuming crush on Adrien just made everything worse. It was exhausting, embarrassing, and deep down, perhaps she knew that it didn't make her happy. It was almost inevitable for it to become too much for her, and after one particularly humiliating experience, it finally does. (contains panic attack)
1. Letting Go

"Life is full of surprises, Marinette!" Tikki exclaimed, gesturing outwards.

Marinette was like a boomerang, Tikki had figured. Stuff like this happened all the time.

Marinette got embarrassed, but she always came back. She'd stumble, say nonsense, but she never gave up and she always bounced back.

Tikki never expected this time to be different, even as she saw the tears streaming down Marinette's face. Marinette had always been a bundle of emotions who always seemed to be panicking over everything, so Tikki just did her best to act as a vessel for optimism.

She continued, "It's okay, Marinette, really! It's just—"

Marinette's shoulders tensed. She hunched forward, tightening her grip on the photo of Adrien. However, she didn't flail around nor scream, which Tikki found at least a little strange.

Where were the wild gestures? The stammering? The rambles?

None of them were there. Instead, Marinette was completely _silent,_ looking like every embarrassing moment...

every screw-up...

every _failed attempt..._

were all weighing her down, digging into her shoulders blades and attempting to crush her.

Her breathing picked up.

Tikki flew closer, now feeling slightly uneasy. "...Marinette?"

Marinette let out a sob, making Tikki flinch at the sudden noise breaking the silence. Marinette clutched her shoulders, another sob following immediately afterward. She didn't answer Tikki - didn't even _acknowledge_ Tikki - and simply flopped down onto her bed.

Tikki, confused and unnerved, drew closer. Marinette was just lying there, knees to her chest, and what once sounded like sobbing was now becoming a mixture of chokes and gasps. Her face was tense, her eyes squeezed shut as her body was wracked with shudders.

That's when Tikki realized: her holder was having a _panic attack._

Marinette gasped louder, breaking into hyperventilation as if she were struggling to breathe. She clutched her head with both hands, curling up even further as she seemed to try and hide herself.

Tikki landed on the bed, raising her paws up to Marinette's face. "Marinette, can you hear me? _Marinette!_"

Her voice didn't seem to reach her. Marinette seemed completely unaware that Tikki was even _there._

Tikki had dealt with many holders in the past. A select few had indeed had panic attacks, but each one of them dealt with it differently.

Thus, Tikki had no idea what to do.

As Marinette continued shaking, Tikki flew off the bed, her eyes scanning the room as she tried to find something - _anything_ \- that could calm Marinette down. At first, it seemed like there was nothing, but Tikki then remembered that Marinette's phone had been left on her table.

Tikki dove down for the device, landing carefully in front of it. She unlocked it, then navigated to Marinette's contacts.

She skimmed the list, shaking her head at most of the contacts. No, none of them would do, and she mentally marked off each one as she went; too excitable, too quiet, too unpredictable.

Then, Tikki saw him: _Luka._

Perfect.

Tikki pressed the 'call' button, then grabbed the phone, ready to lift it up to Marinette. Luka had always been good to her. If Marinette just heard his voice, then—

Tikki stopped. She hesitated. She stared at the phone, seeing Luka's contact picture staring back at her.

She hovered in place for a few seconds, then set the phone back down, ending the call before Luka had even picked up.

She was Marinette's _kwami._ She was the kwami of the ladybug miraculous; the miraculous of _purity_ and _creation._ She was a source of positive energy, and it was her _job_ to make sure that her holders were taken care of.

With resolve in her chest, Tikki flew back up to Marinette, ignoring the phone as it started ringing with Luka's contact picture on the screen once again.

"It's okay," Tikki said as gently as she could. "Everything's fine."

Marinette choked, though it was impossible to tell if she was trying to manage a reply or not. One hand still at her head, Marinette's other hand went to her chest, clutching at her shirt as she sobbed.

Tikki tried again. She tried everything she could think of.

She tried calling for Marinette, but it was still like Marinette couldn't hear her.

She tried playing music for Marinette, but the volume started out too loud and only scared her.

Against her better judgment, she went to press her paws to Marinette's arm in comfort, but Marinette jerked and turned her back to her, as if Tikki had burned her arm.

Everything was _wrong._ This wasn't how things were supposed to _go._ Tikki was supposed to be _good_ at this. She was supposed to be able to _handle_ these situations.

Suddenly, the trap door leading downstairs clicked. Tikki went to the edge of the bed and peered over it, noting how slowly and carefully it opened as Luka entered the room.

He looked around, then glanced up towards the bed. Tikki was quick enough to fly off and hide behind Marinette's lamp, just barely managing to not be seen.

She heard his voice faintly over the sound of Marinette's sobbing.

"Marinette..."

Tikki waited, then slowly peeked out from behind the lamp. She could hear Luka's approaching footsteps and see him steadily coming up the stairs to Marinette's bed.

Tikki quickly hid herself again, though the fact that he seemed so out of breath wasn't lost on her.

"Marinette. Marinette," he repeated, his voice soft and quiet. Tikki was certain that it wouldn't work, yet heard a distinct change in Marinette's choked breathing.

"L-luka..."

"Marinette," he began, "you can do whatever you want with me, okay?"

Certain that Luka wasn't looking her way, Tikki peeked out again, just in time to see Marinette pull Luka down to her level. She hugged him, _tightly,_ and Luka didn't let out a single sound of protest. Instead, he hugged her back, whispering her name every so often.

They stayed like that for a good minute or so, Luka not moving an inch and letting Marinette cling to him. Tikki just waited, watched, and _listened,_ her body still as she observed any changes.

Slowly, Marinette's breathing became steady, or at least steady enough for her to not sound like she was failing to get any air into her lungs. She remained in Luka's hold, just as he remained in hers.

Meanwhile, Tikki finally eased back, sitting down in solemn thought. Regrettably, she realized that she didn't know Marinette as well as she thought, but her holder was at least going to be okay now.

That's what mattered, even if it hurt.


	2. Holding On

"So... that's what happened..." Luka said slowly, absorbing everything that Marinette had told him.

"Mhm," she murmured, her face still buried into his shoulder as they hugged.

She was so relieved to breathe again. Her mind had settled and the world had become quiet once more. The storm of emotions had passed, and now she was content to just relax in his arms.

She managed a giggle. "Sorry for squeezing you so tight."

He didn't reply verbally, which was odd, but she could feel him shaking his head against her shoulder, which reassured her that it was fine.

She let out a calm breath, doing a mental check to ensure that she'd recovered emotionally. Slowly, she was able to lessen her grip on him.

He didn't lessen his own grip in return. Marinette blinked, letting her hands slip down his back and rest on her blanket, but he still didn't move.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy his hug; far from it. Luka was warm, caring, and respected her, so she'd honestly take a hug from him any time he wanted to offer one to her.

But it seemed weird for him to continue hugging her, especially after she'd just let go of him. He wasn't often the one to continue physical contact like that.

"...Luka?" she called quietly, a bit of concern lacing her voice.

He hugged her tighter. She blushed, the hug suddenly feeling more intimate.

"Marinette..." he murmured, voice uneasy.

"L-luka? What's wrong?" she asked.

"I..." He stopped, hesitating for a long moment, then spoke up again. "I'm so sorry."

Marinette's eyes went wide with confusion. "S-sorry? For what?"

She couldn't understand what he could ever be apologetic about. He was a beautiful person who sought nothing more than to comfort her, and he'd _just_ spent the past _however long_ holding her and listening to her problems without asking for something in return. If anything, _she_ was the one who should've been sorry.

Luka sighed, running his hand slowly along her back. "I never would've let you go if I knew that this was how he'd make you feel."

"L...let me go?" she echoed in a soft whisper.

Her heart was pounding, but not like before. There was something tender about the way he was speaking; something _vulnerable._

Marinette remembered how Luka had made her feel when they were ice skating. Despite Adrien distracting her, Luka had been attentive towards her, catching her multiple times when she almost fell. The experience had left her shaken, stirred away from thoughts of Adrien as she wondered what Luka was to her and what _she_ was to _Luka._

No one had ever done that before. She'd been so sure that her mind wouldn't be able to get away from Adrien being with Kagami, but when Luka stared at her - _talked_ to her - everything melted away like Adrien hadn't even been there.

Even now, it was like nothing at the museum had happened. She remembered it, she acknowledged it, but with Luka next to her, it was hard to dwell on.

Marinette released an unsteady breath, sinking into his hold and laying against his chest. Despite his tight hug, she wasn't constricted or restrained. He wasn't hurting her, and she didn't want to leave his embrace.

"Luka..." she began, honestly not sure where to start, "I...I don't blame you for any of this. It..." She lowered her gaze, clutching at his jacket. "It was probably for the best."

He stiffened, then pulled away from her just enough so that they could see each other's faces. She looked up to see him staring at her with a worried expression.

She chuckled as best as she could, already knowing what he was thinking. "Not the best for _me,_ but—well... kind of for me too."

She shook her head, able to laugh a bit easier now. She knew she was hard to understand in the moment - she wasn't really sure of what she was saying herself - but she knew what she wanted.

"...Luka, can you help me for a second?" she asked softly.

He nodded to her despite his confusion, her heart warmed by his eagerness. Slowly, she took hold of his forearm - the one closest to her wall - and slid her hand along it until her hand was holding his. She faced the wall, then guided his hand to it; specifically, to her board of Adrien pictures.

Their fingers touched the board, and she had him grab one of the pictures alongside her; the one that she couldn't tear off herself.

He looked down at her, eyes wide with questioning. Her eyes answered back with assurance.

Together, they tore off the picture, dropping it and letting it lay face-down on her bed. There was a trace of bitterness there - a longing for what had been - and yet Marinette didn't feel sad.

She only felt relief; relief at the ability to do something that she wanted, but that her friends had tried to push her away from. It felt _good,_ and that was something that Marinette hadn't felt in a long time.

At least, not until Luka had shown up to comfort her. Laying against his chest like she was, with his hand moving slowly up and down her arm, she could feel nothing _but_ good.

"Luka..."

He let out a soft hum in response, showing that he was listening to her. Marinette never quite realized how quiet and gentle he was, but found that she liked it.

She looked up at him with a smile. "Promise me something?"

He looked down at her, clearly not knowing where she was going with this, but gave her a nod nonetheless. "Anything, Marinette."

_Anything,_ he'd said. People had thrown around that word to her before, but it was the first time that she'd ever felt like someone had _meant_ it. It felt like she could've asked him for the world, and he would've found a way to give it to her.

But instead, she had a different request; smaller, but nonetheless important.

She leaned up, then brought her arms around his neck and pulled him close.

"Promise you won't let me go this time." She blushed, nestling into his warmth. "I mean, if you don't want to, anyway."

With their chests pressed together, she could feel the subtle way his heart picked up, clearly reacting but trying not to show it. His body was stiff, but he made no attempt to pull away from her.

Seconds passed, but she wasn't afraid of his reply, nor was she nervous about it. She knew that he would never leave her, regardless of his response.

His shoulders relaxed. His hands went to her back. He pulled her in, wrapping his arms completely around her as they embraced.

Then, he smiled. "I promise."


End file.
